As you begin to realize that every different type of music, everybody’s individual music, has its own rhythm, life, language and heritage, you realize how life changes, and you learn how to be more open and adaptive to what is around us.
“Science, Maths, Movies, Reality shows………” i was the type of boy who was dreaming about a life to earn nothing more than money, because money seemed everything to me and the truth is, i needed money badly over times but i had nothing(i am no rich). i was studying in a boarding school and there you can depend upon only one person i.e. You just You, and their i realized MONEY IS EVERYTHING. I had many friends out there but they were some stable than me and i was never capable of telling them my panics and what i suffered from. The money my parents gave me for self-maintenance used to end up in just the first two weeks of the month, and i learned the lessons of my lifetime there.I studied there till 10th Class and when i reached the +1, i requested my parents to bring me back home, as i was sick of living at that place with people whom never knew what i was and how i was. Being true i was among the people and currently am, whom at least cry once a day, for what they have, and what they need. I had dreams of going to Kota and get some coaching for cracking the main Engineering entrance exams of India i.e. JEE. The above dream was also among the reasons, why i wanted to leave that boarding school. I asked my parents, (literary speaking i begged) i want to leave that place and they rejected and the reason was no else than money, as going to Kota was an expensive plan. I somehow managed to get permission from my parents for leaving, and i left the school with a provisional certificate, seeking for admission anywhere around my home, the process was tough, and i lived a few days at my home and those were the most worst days of my life, i was treated like someone who has commented the most sinful crime of the world, and that was the phase, when I wanted someone to be on my side and NOBODY WAS. I decided to go back to that boarding school, and when i reached there, the In-charge of Admission and Discharge said “Why are you here, I thought You left, i somehow managed to get all your certificates and you are Back here” These words sounded like some alarm telling me LEAVE……..and i left again. My family was shocked when they found me back at home the next day. I lived that worst phase and that phase brought out a POET from me and i started writing Poems about HOPE and about the rein of DESPAIR. My life became Science, Maths, Movies, Reality shows, Poetry, School and my room, I used to spend most time alone, I started hating companies and i liked reading books, watching movies on PC and writing poems. Then a day came I watched a Movie (Yeh Jawani Hain Dewani), and this was the day, when a spark of CHANGE lightened in me. From then on i said to myself “Hey dear me, we want nothing except happiness”. My priorties changed from MONEY to BEING HAPPY and i started seeing things differently, Feeling Nature and Truth in ones life. Half a year passed and I was not what i was!! I was somebody else whom I named Austin Re Eaxe, and Re Eaxe is really re-ease…. and i want my life to be easy again, no more sorrow, no more pain, and i started working on that. Then came the time, when a school Teacher said to me “you are really good in Writing and Poetry, you should continue with that”, i said what?
That was the Night, when i kept Thinking on what was said to me earlier that day, and Tomorrow, i wake up with the decision of leaving Science and continuing Poetry and Social Science………
Again a New Fight Started Between me and everyone else, and it was about Why the hell do i want to study Social Science , there is no scope earning thick packets of bucks from that in Kashmir, But for me Who wanted to be in Kashmir, Nature has already send me a message “Come here to the true happiness ” and i was no longer interested in staying at one place and from now on i wanted to explore places, people, their way of thinking and above all, The beauty of nature. I won this time as i was strong enough to fight back and this battle made my determination more, more and more strong, i would simply say, i started seeing my destiny more close to me than ever.
Then came this BLOGGING, i thought this is a good way to connect with people and i started writing, made a you-tube channel and started working towards my goal with more focus, with more criticism (positive and negative) and with more DETERMINATION.
A poem Of me…………………….MY PRESENT
Slowly, slowly, time running out,
Breaking my hope, raising despair,
Taking everything for what i fought,
With the tagline of Being Lair.
Shattering my dreams into pieces.
Like a lost Researcher with false thesis.
About the truth of being gay,
Being wise and obsessive prey.
Feeling the pain the heart shrinks,
Knowing the thing, the brain thinks,
Of some possible way to the dawn,
Like some lost, alone fawn.
The nights are scary, the days are numb,
The soul is Lost, the body is Caught,
In the brainy mesh, behaving dumb,
Feeling the need of being taught.
Austin Re Eaxe.
I wrote this when i was in my dark phase and was completely shattered, but right now, this is my real power i.e. my past and my poetry……….
Thank you everyone, for spending time reading my Abouts……………..